he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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