How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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