Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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