I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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