It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
