We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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