Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
