no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do flat chested girls get laid?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
