another moral hangover. fuck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
