Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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