Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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