my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
