turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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