I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
