So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
