He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
