she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
