please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need moral support for this bender
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
