You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
