ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
