every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
