I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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