I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
