so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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