so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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