They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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