why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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