I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
