wrigley field is MILF paradise
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
