I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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