Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
