I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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