I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
