He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
