You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
