i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
