Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
