and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
