Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My balls are so social today.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
