dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
