im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
