Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
