he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
