I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
