Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
