so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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