Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
