so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
