woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
