hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
