Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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