I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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