Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
