I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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