he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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