just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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