just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
