Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize