are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
