Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
