I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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