Don't make out with my wife yet
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
