dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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