Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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