There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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