Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
