Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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