i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
