HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
