I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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