Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
