I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
