lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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