No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
