i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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