I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
