Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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