I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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