Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
