your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
