What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize