i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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