Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
