textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
