Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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