Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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