Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
