she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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