i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
