i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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