I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize