listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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