I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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