So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
